My sweet friend Derry Godar

I made a beautiful friend over the last year and sadly lost her to cancer this past Saturday morning.  Derry Godar spoke at last year’s Dream Foundation Flower Empower luncheon.  She was honest, kind, approachable and sweet. I loved listening to her story and wanted to talk to her further. I only had the opportunity to quickly introduce myself to her as I left the luncheon and to thank her for opening up so honestly about her story.  She had been the recipient of flowers through the Dream Foundation’s incredible Saturday morning delivery program when she had been diagnosed with esophageal cancer that metastasized to her liver in 2009.

On my way back home that afternoon, I stopped at Upstairs at Pierre Lafond to buy a birthday card.  As I walked up the stairs, I walked right into Derry.  I reminded her we had just met at the Flower Empower luncheon and we had a lovely chat. It was one of those conversations when you feel sure you have known the person for years. I made Derry promise that she or her husband would call me if they needed anything.  We exchanged a few emails, but it was not until my Adesso trunk show at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art last December that I saw Derry’s beautiful smile again.  She came with her god niece after seeing the SBMA’s ad in the paper.  We had an amazing chat and she got herself a bracelet. I remember thinking to myself I hope I see her soon.  Her presence was magical.

I received a sweet (somewhat bittersweet) email about a month ago from Erinn Lynch at the Dream Foundation, “Yesterday, I was visiting Derry (our Flower Empower recipient who spoke at our last Flower Empower event) — she is currently in hospice care and it doesn’t appear she has much time left.  Still, she is in amazing spirits…truly a wise, wonderful, and kind person.  I felt emotionally fed and supported by her, when that was supposed to be my role!

Anyway she mentioned how she ran into you after the event, and that she received a bracelet (which she was wearing yesterday.)  Derry has always been known as “Gigi” to her grandkids, and as she was showing her bracelet to her son, she realized one of the beads had “G”s all over it.  She believes it to be a sign – and so she wears her bracelet every day for strength. Derry’s youngest grandchild is going to the Peace Corps and Derry said she’s leaving her the bracelet when she passes so she can where it in Africa and know her Gigi is with her.” I was so sad to hear that Derry’s journey was nearing its end, but so touched that one of my creations had become part of her armor as she faced this last phase of her illness.

I contacted Derry’s lovely husband, Ron, a couple of weeks ago to again extend my offer to help in anyway.  He invited me to come over to the house to surprise Derry with a visit, which was such an honor.  I spent an incredible half hour with her talking about life and ultimately death. I gave her another Adesso bracelet that I had been wearing for the last 6 months to wrap her in more of my love. Derry asked me so many lucid and insightful questions about my life, my medical history (she knew I was a cancer survivor and previvor), my family and my work.  I was amazed at how clean and clear she was about her impending exit from the physical world. She had done the things that mattered most to her (her love for her family was palpable and endearing) and recognized the things that she had run out of time for (a travel folder full of articles about places she knew she would never visit had been recycled).  She was open. She was honest. She was funny.  She was alive and bright.  She was present.

I had expected to leave my visit with her a total mess.  Instead I walked away full of light, love, clarity and hope (and, yes, with a few tears…). Not only had Derry’s entrance into my life, albeit brief, taught me about the process of leaving this world, but she also left me with a beautiful lesson on how to live. There is no reason why Derry’s approach to death (and, of course, life but I met her late in the game) cannot be translated into a curriculum for life. Be honest. Be clear. Do what matters most to you. Reach out to those who have touched you and touch them back. Do good in the world (Derry had been a public school teacher for decades). Don’t leave things unsaid. Live each day for what it has to offer and make it the best day possible.

It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to my friend Derry, but with incredible thanks and love for the powerful gifts she gave me that will serve me for the rest of my life. Rest in peace, sweet Derry.